going to school with jade wasnt bad, i wasnt expecting it too be
the drive there was kind of weird, i dont know if it was, but i think it was my fault
i didnt mean it like that.
im sitting here at 2 in the morning pretty much nude on a tiny leopard print step stool typing this. gross picture, but i dont really feel like erasing what i just wrote
i wanna start living my life witih things i wanna do, and rarely saying no to things, i wanna be able to have more to write about in this, i wanna read back and have a vivid picture of these times and moments, i know they're good now, but i need more context.
so my ambition to excercise went flat, like a stale fart.
I ENDED up, swaying jade to getting some chicken mcbuttocks at Mickey D's..i know, not the best alternative, but..even though im kinda kicking myself for eating that shit, im not really fretting too much. although, if i had the choice i'd proabably would of just went with a bannana.
I took WALL-E from my work today, kinda stoked to come home and show jade...even though its not that big of a deal, that movie has a lot of laughs and memories, so that anti uped the umph, i drove fast for some reason wanting to show her i snagged it when i got to our APT.
Hold on...bathroom break.
wonder how long it takes for CHicken Mcbuttocks to digest.
i feel like i annoy people, or im def not in their best of interest, maybe i did something, acted a certain way...one thing, or maybe a series of events that made them repel my company, even at that, they wont even respond to any of my "heys" or "whats ups" even if so..its a quick responce, def. obvious to show they dont care much about indulgin in getting to know eachother more...
we Got some captain morgan Rum And watched the wall-e movie...i felt like going on a walk at first, to get out, when i usually drink i like to get outside, when i usually smoke...well, it goes either way, i like just observing, letting my imagination go free, usually if theres company, i let them know whats going on....its lame to say but when im high at times, i feel like im showing myself, myself...or at least its more obvious to me when im under that influence.
that reminds me, i gotta ask bri for more...but my wallet isnt really showing me love
i feel like thers things i need to know, but people dont see it as something they feel they should tell....i wish i could read their minds, no matter how good or bad it ends up being
im just unsure how to ask....
i think i was suppose to meet up with kylee when she came into LAX tomorrow...but ididnt hear anythign back...bummer, but all i can really do is "oh well"
I wanna have a crazy nigth soon, an adventure...a good time to wher ei know i'll look back and talk about it with excitement...and thrill. I wanna flirt with disaster (cliche)
I havent been on the prowl for shows lately, i dont think i have the energy, i feel like...i wouldnt enjoy it as much as i would back then...i just neeed....something, something ....
if i were to enroll myself in that show "made" i wonder what i would be....i think i woudl put on a straight face, and say "i wanna be Black"....and just see what they can woop up. i wonder who would be my coach?......
its crazy how people influence us from day to day, play by play actions...i remember i wanted to get plugs, cause i was really admiring against ME! when i first reallly got into them, and was kinda diggin tom gabels plugs, they were 1/2 inch wich at the time i thought were fucking huge, now im at 1 inch...hopefully i'll stop. Or i saw my friend kylee got a small tattoo on her ankle...kinda made me desire one too. even this...i think i finally got pushed into this when i saw jade go into it, although i follow tom gabels blog frequently on here, just reading what he has to say on a personal level, just slaps me outta this subconsiouce image i put him as being....i dont know, like a different more valued person, not saying he's not, im just saying, that idol pedistal you think of someone when they are your influence, and inspiration...you see them as more than human, and when reading his blogs, it feels like just an eye to eye realization..that he is just like us...we all know this, but somehow we always see ourselves inadequate to them. when we're all in the same boat, just helps me with my ambition for creativity...you ask a good musician what influences you, and it shouldnt be any different than what influences YOU. you just believe it because its coming from someone who belives in themselves...
"it was on the tip of everyones tongue, we just gave it a name"
well, a few more sips of rum, and i'll go drift off
oh yea, i was reading my buddies blog...about things he missed, i remember i was about to write a blog like that, but i kinda bummed myself out and couldnt finish it. it just reminds me, that things we miss back then...i didnt notice the things infront of me, I remember, when i look back at the times i miss now, when it was actually that time, all i did was miss memories i missed Then as well....which just makes me wonder, the thigns i do now, i will miss them in days to come....so im trying my best, to just soak it up....the best i can, since im aware that at times, when i look back at some of these moments im living now, in the future...i will give anything to be back at these times....so i'll take a step back, notice the good times today....the ones right now, and embrace them, and try to hold on...as much as i can, knowing in the future i will still miss them, but i didnt miss OUT on any of them.
even if they're moments that i dislike, to where i only wanna push towards the future...i'll try to take a lesson...i need the bitter, for the sweet to taste fucking more grand.
but at times, i do feel like this
No comments:
Post a Comment